I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
