I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
