Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
