I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
