Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
