He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
what day is it and did you see me today?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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