She announced her abortion via fbk
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
