Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
