this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
