I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
