if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
