Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
