You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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