My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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