i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize