Sacagawea was the original milf.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
