so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
