Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
