He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
