Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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