Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
