Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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