Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
