I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
