I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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