she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
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He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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