your room smells of hookers.
And success
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
