you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
