why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
