my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
