I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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