Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
