you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
