Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
