he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
