Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
