I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
