I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
