Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
