Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
