o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
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I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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