is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
