He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
