I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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