I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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