is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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