Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
