Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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