I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
