you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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