Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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