he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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