Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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