White coat. Heels.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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