You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
