They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
