Will you blow on my dice?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
