I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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