I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
