I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
