You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
