maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
