i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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