I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It was a blind-side dick pic.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
