While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
