I wish they made helmets for livers.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
