Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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