his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Even my vagina gasped.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
